On the Other side

Mother was a stickler for goodbyes. Through my school days, she would stand in the front window and wave goodbye as my bus passed the house. In college she walked me out to the terminal and stood there and waved from the window as my plane pulled away. On the phone, she never hung up a phone call without saying "I love you". She didn't let you walk away without knowing you were loved, thought of, and already missed!

So when do we really ever say goodbye for good? Learning to live with the loss of my mom is one thing, but truly saying goodbye is another. I've accepted she is gone, I've accepted life is different, but I feel like I've never really truly said goodbye. When I read these song lyrics something spoke to me. I don't really have to say goodbye to her, she's just in a better place.

Lyrics from Dailey and Vincent "On the Other Side"

Well I've never been to heaven,
I didn't know what it was like
But God let me have a glimpse,
in my dream last night
And I could hear you laughing,
you were looking right at me
For the first time in a long time,
on your face I saw some peace
I knew everything was going to be all right,
no more tears and no more sad good-byes,
on the other side

What I have learned in the last 3 years......I will find myself raising my voice at my kids and thinking, how did mom never yell at us....and i change my tone. Or I get focused on material things, and it sinks in that my mother never boasted or flaunted her nice things.....and i get a reality check. I honestly don't know if I would be so in tune with these life lessons were she here. Her loss left me with something great.....motherly examples to live my life by. I strive EVERY day to be as generous, caring, humble, and loving as my mother. Big shoes to fill, and I realize I am my own person, but I want to pass on those amazing traits and qualities to my own children so it is worth the effort.

I am a better person than i was 3 years ago, and I think it is because when she left us, she left little pieces of herself behind for us to grow into. So thank you mom, for always being a part of me! I love and miss you TERRIBLY!!

Picture perfect (she was so proud of the 4 of us)

My High School Graduation

No words.... so thankful Ashlyn had those few months

March Madness

Seriously some March Madness going on....we had 80 degree weather in March. The first official day of Spring was 87. Not normal to be wearing shorts and sundresses this time of year in ohio.

Austin at 18 months is saying....noooo (in a cute, long drawn out way) and mine. By the end of the month he was also saying "I Yuv you, and Sank you" He loves to sing happy birthday and baa baa black sheep. Everyone keeps saying how much older he looks, which i think is due to his hair growing longer quickly. It is starting to curl in the back, I love it! He is all boy: obsessed with watching basketball and asking to go over to get the Bball at JuJu's house. He also has this annoying habit of throwing everything across the room, you have to be on your guard at all times. Although all boy, he is super sweet wanting to feed and carry Ashlyn's baby dolls. He also gets a kick out of wearing Ashlyn's shoes....I just go with it! He finally got his bottom 2 canines, which have been waking him up at night and driving him crazy. And he totally is that kid who falls asleep in random places....like while eating lunch at the table.

Ashlyn has been a roller coaster of emotions recently. You don't really know which Ashlyn you are going to get at the beginning of the day. She is showing some angry and frustration when things don't go her way. This includes slamming doors for no reason and being mean to Austin, just cause. She when is calm, she is the sweetest most polite girl ever. I just wish "that" Ashlyn made her appearance all the time. She is obsessed with rainbows and drawing them. We have been taking daily rainbow hikes (searching for each color of the rainbow in nature). Luckily with St. Patricks day she saw lots of rainbows and was super excited to have a leprechaun visit her school, telling everyone she talked to. We also took a little day trip to Big Bone State lick to see the dinosaur fossils. When not at preschool we are having lots of play dates with Rylee & Parker & Caroline (who she loves to play mommy and baby with).

Not such a baby anymore, Ashlyn finally got out of bed on her own the morning of March 22nd. A day Matt has been hoping for for many months, but i've dreaded it. Luckily it hasn't led to getting out of bed at other times, but I fear that will change.

We had a potluck for St. Patty's Party, with a house full of friends and their kids. It was a fun way to celebrate the holiday! Am feeling lucky this month.... for lots of sunshine, and lots of happy smiles!

St. Patty's Rainbow, "good luck" snack for preschool

Taking their baby dolls out for a warm March stroll

A little boy with BIG dreams, I LOVE this picture!!

Looking bright and springy pretending to shop

Loving boy things....while wearing Ashlyn's pink shoes

A year and a half, can't even believe it!

My messy cooks making St. Patty's treats

Snoozing during lunch

Testing out his new teeth, ouch! Look at those little curls <3

Hiking with her best friend, Caroline

Best buddies Jack and Austin enjoying the free ride to see the buffalo

Looking more big boy than baby

Chucking the vitamin bottle across the kitchen

Showing big sister all his "boo boos"

An Unusual February

Hard to believe we started off the month with 61 degree weather. Mild winter is an understatement, we aren't even wearing coats. Makes for one happy stay at home momma though since we get to be outside enjoying the weather and keeping busy. Use to dread winter, but so far this year, can't say it's been all that bad. Certainly miss a thick white snowfall though, and i wouldn't mind putting the kids snow boots and pants to use (thank god we got hand me downs and didn't invest in any).

We had a free weekend, so hopped in the van and headed to Chicago to visit Ashley and Nick. Unfortunately the trip started with a pukey wake up call for me 2 hours after arriving. Ashlyn had a throw up bug 2 days before, which made it's way to me. Luckily it only lasted 12 hours for both of us, but was horrible either way!!! We spent the rest of the weekend dancing on the Kinect, eating yummy pizza, battling crowds at the children's museum, and enjoying the company of family. Nice that it's close enough for a weekend trip!

Looks like Austin is following in his big sisters footsteps.....both in language and skills. He is trying hard to sing his ABC's (at least the first 5 letters are understandable, then it's more a tune). He has also shown interest in going on the potty, which Ashlyn also did around 18 months. He'll go pee and try to push. I think he wants to hear the "pee pee in the potty" song more than anything, but i'll go with it. He also LOVES holding, pushing, and hugging Ashlyn's baby dolls. I love that having an older sister makes him more in tune with girly things, I think it's adorable and sweet.

As for Ashlyn, we are certainly having a napping dilemma these days. She still naps most everyday, but has her rare days of fighting it. What we are noticing is that she naps for 2 hours and then we can't get her to bed until like 9:30 at night. On the occasional days she does just read and sing in bed, at least she's exhausted and ready to go to sleep by 8:30. Hmm, every mommies nightmare.....do we give up naps?!?!?!

These days Ashlyn is coloring in the lines really well and making actual pictures. Every friday when we discuss getting dinner she chimes in by saying she wants egg drop soup or pizza. We have also started a new gymnastics class at 1:00 on Thursdays. It is a more advanced class with 4-5 year olds. She is doing well considering it is a full hour, and more structured. She has her moments, and gets off track at times but is working hard on her cartwheels and listening to the Miss Chelsea.

At the park on the first day of February

Checking out the monkey at the zoo with Caroline

Mr. smiley munching on his favorite snack of goldfish

My sweet Valentine showing off her preschool loot

Even with some tears from Austin, we shared our Valentine's love with friends

Our Valentine heart attack for daddy

Headed on a road trip to Chicago in Ducky's van

Uncle Nick practicing his Mr. Mom duties

Fun times at Uncle Nick and Aunt Ashes house

"Pee Pee in the Potty" with help from big sis

Easily entertained by anything ball related

A new skill, maybe?

Our favorite weekend hangout, Mimi and Papa's

Who couldn't love this face.... fishy face adorable!!

Jovial January

Happy New Year! Crazy we have already jumped into 2012 full swing. It was a low key New Years. Went to Dewey's for pizza with the kids, and then got crazy with Graeter's ice cream as a special treat. Matt and I stayed up and watched the ball drop then hit the bed. Man, getting old is unexciting!

With the weather being warmer than normal we have been out and about more than you'd expect for January. Am thankful for Pinterest, which has kept up busy by giving me fun new craft ideas, recipes, and cute snacks to take in to Ashlyn's preschool. Here is an update on us:

Austin: Poor kid has been getting horrible teething blisters. I'd say he has the worst luck of teething ever. Not only does it have him up at night (which means ending up in my bed), but almost every one of his teeth have had a hematoma which looks like a nasty bloody blister on his gums. Ouch, ouch ouch! He keeps us laughing always.....his new things is to sing "Ooh ooh oh oh oh" (tune from back street boys). I'll start the tune and he finishes it, hilarious! He has also started hitting Ashlyn, can't say I blame him with how much she picks on him, but it's still a bad habit we are trying to nip. And the most random habit (or seems like a comfort to him) is that he sticks my hair in his ear. Instead of just playing with my hair like normal, he'll grab the end and flick his ear with it and stick it in his ear. I don't even try to understand, it just seems to soothe him.

Ashlyn: I had her first teacher conference at preschool. Miss Paula told me that Ashlyn is very bright, and advanced for her age. She said she is really good with her hands (which they told me at her 9 month motor skills assessment....which i guess was accurate). She's impressed how well she writes her name, her memory, and speech. I thought she was smart, but it's nice to hear it from an outsider, and someone who's around kids her age. Matt and I took her to her first trip to the movie theater. They re-released Beauty and the Beast in 3D, one of the few movies she can sit through, so we thought she'd love it. Although she did ok, she did ask to go home about 10 times. Guess we'll wait awhile before doing the movie thing again.

Funny comments by Ashlyn: We've been talking about if we should have a 3rd baby.....so Ashlyn says. "We'd have to put Austin in the trash, so we can make room for a new baby." Oh, the mind of a 3 year old. She is calling us Mom/Dad, which just sounds too mature to me. I want to be mommy and daddy. And one of her favorite phrases is... "You have got to be kidding me, MOM!"

I got a rare night on the town. My girlfriend Molly invited me to join her and some friends on a Party Bus! We hung out with all of Molly's teacher friends, took the bus around to the bars, and then crashed on her friends couch. Needless to say, I was yawning at midnight (at the bar), felt super old and my clothes looked outta style, and crashing on a couch was cold and uncomfortable. I think i like my mommy lifestyle a lot more these days. While it was fun for a night, i'm ok with not doing it again anytime soon.

My little Buckeyes

100% boy, riding his toy around the house

Our Pinterest snack we made for Ashlyn's preschool class

My little chef making pizza for dinner

Sharing a drink before bed

Sharing a chat during bath

Playing nice before lunch

Our first snowfall, barely covered the grass but the kids were Super excited!

Daddy and Ashlyn making monster train tracks

Ashlyn's 1st 3D Movie, Beauty and the Beast

Indoor fun, and flips in the toy room

Austin is 16 months old already

Officially in a big boy seat at the table

Eating all by himself (poor guy is in a girls bib)

The wrath of Ashlyn, bit and bruised his arm

Playing not so nice

She thinks it is funny to take his things and not share

Visiting the Dinosaurs in Dayton with Ducky and Jill

Dino Kisses

Looking like a heart throb, and checking in with daddy

Wish I could freeze time! I want my little ones to stop getting so big.