On the Other side

Mother was a stickler for goodbyes. Through my school days, she would stand in the front window and wave goodbye as my bus passed the house. In college she walked me out to the terminal and stood there and waved from the window as my plane pulled away. On the phone, she never hung up a phone call without saying "I love you". She didn't let you walk away without knowing you were loved, thought of, and already missed!

So when do we really ever say goodbye for good? Learning to live with the loss of my mom is one thing, but truly saying goodbye is another. I've accepted she is gone, I've accepted life is different, but I feel like I've never really truly said goodbye. When I read these song lyrics something spoke to me. I don't really have to say goodbye to her, she's just in a better place.

Lyrics from Dailey and Vincent "On the Other Side"

Well I've never been to heaven,
I didn't know what it was like
But God let me have a glimpse,
in my dream last night
And I could hear you laughing,
you were looking right at me
For the first time in a long time,
on your face I saw some peace
I knew everything was going to be all right,
no more tears and no more sad good-byes,
on the other side

What I have learned in the last 3 years......I will find myself raising my voice at my kids and thinking, how did mom never yell at us....and i change my tone. Or I get focused on material things, and it sinks in that my mother never boasted or flaunted her nice things.....and i get a reality check. I honestly don't know if I would be so in tune with these life lessons were she here. Her loss left me with something great.....motherly examples to live my life by. I strive EVERY day to be as generous, caring, humble, and loving as my mother. Big shoes to fill, and I realize I am my own person, but I want to pass on those amazing traits and qualities to my own children so it is worth the effort.

I am a better person than i was 3 years ago, and I think it is because when she left us, she left little pieces of herself behind for us to grow into. So thank you mom, for always being a part of me! I love and miss you TERRIBLY!!

Picture perfect (she was so proud of the 4 of us)

My High School Graduation

No words.... so thankful Ashlyn had those few months